{"id":1953,"date":"2014-05-27T13:54:37","date_gmt":"2014-05-27T13:54:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/?page_id=1953"},"modified":"2015-07-12T03:45:54","modified_gmt":"2015-07-12T03:45:54","slug":"jokes","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/jokes\/","title":{"rendered":"JOKES"},"content":{"rendered":"<!--[if lt IE 9]><script>document.createElement('audio');<\/script><![endif]-->\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-1953-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Benny-Hill-What-a-world.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Benny-Hill-What-a-world.mp3\">http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Benny-Hill-What-a-world.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/dentist.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-1954\" src=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/dentist-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"dentist\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/dentist-300x300.jpg 300w, http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/dentist-150x150.jpg 150w, http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/dentist.jpg 380w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">A reader asked how I could have waited four months before seeing a doctor for some groin pain. <a title=\"Big Red \u2013 an Angus steer\" href=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/?page_id=1254\">Big Red Story<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span lang=\"EN\" style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">I remembered this joke when I went to an oral surgeon to have an upper molar removed. I had to tell a joke and should have known better.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">Funny how when we enter the doctor&#8217;s surgery we&#8217;re asked : &#8220;How are you ?&#8221;. I guess we could fib. Reply : &#8220;Fine thanks&#8221;, and then turn tail and walk out again.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"> I would be careful about such humor. My own to the dentist did\u00a0 me no good. I further informed her that I would not need a shot as I could self-hypnotize myself. True. But in the doing I told her a joke about dentists. ALWAYS a bad idea. <strong><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Dentists always prefer mouths that don&#8217;t talk back.<\/span><\/strong><br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">Was about a Wyoming cowboy. People think of Texas cowboys. They are wimps! Anyhow, this cowboy comes to the dentist and asks to have all of his teeth removed. ALL? asks the shocked and astounded dentist? Well, I suppose I will have to give you some painkiller.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">He responds. Don&#8217;t need to. I have gone through two pains in my life. This will be nothing like them.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"> The dentist proceeds and yanks out all of his teeth. Not a grimace of pain&#8230;.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">Amazed, he asks him; what in the world where those two great pains? He replies.<em> It was over a campfire lit night. I had moved from the campsite and went to relieve myself and in so doing a bear trap caught my testicles.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"><strong>&#8220;OH MY GOD&#8221;<\/strong> That must have been your life\u2019s biggest pain. <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">No, he replied, that came \u2013 that came &#8211; when I jumped up.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">My dentist did not appreciate that humor, and so it goes. <a title=\"hole in the gum\" href=\"http:\/\/www.panoramio.com\/photo\/19443978\">Hole in the Gum photo. <\/a>The gap between Cape Flattery and my upper jaw could not have been greater.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"su-row\">\n<div class=\"su-column su-column-size-1-2\"><div class=\"su-column-inner su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\">\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/kangaroo-female.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-1960\" src=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/kangaroo-female-300x199.jpg\" alt=\"kangaroo-female\" width=\"300\" height=\"199\" srcset=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/kangaroo-female-300x199.jpg 300w, http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/kangaroo-female.jpg 450w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a> <\/div><\/div>\n<div class=\"su-column su-column-size-1-2\"><div class=\"su-column-inner su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\">\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">Mary Ann used to be a major traveler. Her husband was not. The last big one was to New Zealand and Australia. John was home, when Robbie (a Port Angeles friend and trickster) called in with the best Australian Accent. <em>&#8220;Is this Mr. John Stephens, this is Quanta\u2019s Airlines and we are holding a large box for pickup sent by your wife.&#8221;<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">My wife didn\u2019t send anything. <em>&#8220;Oh, sir, we must disagree, and you see it is becoming a bit of an issue. You see, it is a Kangaroo and well; the box is getting a bit rank. Would you please kindly hurry over to pick it up.&#8221;<\/em> He then gave John the airport gate and all that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">John freaked and was heading out the door when others in the know intercepted him.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"su-row\">\n<div class=\"su-column su-column-size-1-2\"><div class=\"su-column-inner su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\"><a href=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/rock-cartoon.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1979\" src=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/rock-cartoon-300x213.jpg\" alt=\"rock cartoon\" width=\"300\" height=\"213\" srcset=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/rock-cartoon-300x213.jpg 300w, http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/rock-cartoon-421x300.jpg 421w, http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/rock-cartoon.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a> <\/div><\/div>\n<div class=\"su-column su-column-size-1-2\"><div class=\"su-column-inner su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\"><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">\u00a0A local Sequim rock-yard has a very nice owner but like myself he too had a touch of wickedness to him. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">We have a strange basalt that is interwoven with lines, colors and streaks. It looks virused. After telling him that his rocks looked diseased and I wanted a discount, he got worried &#8230;<\/span> <\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">Joe told that line to his young daughter. He was worried about their health and feared for the rock yard, as more rocks could get sick.\u00a0 Next you knew it, the dear child was out there with soap and water, bathing the poor things. She would be in her late thirties now. I wonder how she would remember it?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">I still feel a bit chagrined about this one. (Anjo soils -remains one of my favorite places in Sequim.)<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">(C) Herb Senft 2014 (The music was from Benny Hill.)<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong><a title=\"Martha Stewart\" href=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/?page_id=2025\">MARTHA STEWART STORY<\/a><\/strong><br \/>\n<a title=\"Mouth Watering Crock Pot Venison Roast\" href=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/?page_id=2099\"><strong><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,Geneva; font-size: 12pt;\">Mouth watering venison pot roast recipe<\/span><\/strong><\/a> &#8212; <strong>read the follow-up.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>MORE JOKES FROM THE INTERNET<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"><strong>Doctor Jokes<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">Man races into the ER and yells, &#8220;My wife&#8217;s going to have her baby in the cab!&#8221; I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady&#8217;s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. <\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"> Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient&#8217;s anterior chest wall. &#8220;Big breaths,&#8221; I instructed. &#8220;Yes, they used to be,&#8221; remorsed the patient. <\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"> Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a &#8220;massive internal fart.&#8221; <\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"> Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, &#8220;How long have you been bedridden?&#8221; After a look of complete confusion she answered&#8230; &#8220;Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive.&#8221; <\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"> Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\">And Finally . . . . . <\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 14pt;\"> A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry. Was I tickling you?&#8221; She replied, &#8220;No doctor, but the song you were whistling was &#8216;I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener&#8217;.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"joke-title\">\n<h2 class=\"jokeTitle\"><a title=\"One doc operated on a person for a hernia...\" href=\"http:\/\/www.jokebuddha.com\/joke\/One_doc_operated_on_a\">One doc operated on a person for a hernia&#8230;<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"joke-inner\"><span style=\"font-size: 18px;\"><strong><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva;\">One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theater but could not find the balls of the patient. Lastly he told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep his testis pouch empty. After that operation he met the same patient in a garden for morning walk. Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling now. He said &#8220;Doc everything is fine, life is very cool except that whenever I scratch my balls, my eyes start watering.&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 18px;\"><strong>Missing the inevitable Blond Jokes?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 18px;\"><strong>Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 18px;\"><strong>An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn&#8217;t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, &#8216;I&#8217;m impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don&#8217;t get it &#8212; why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?&#8217;<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva; font-size: 18px;\"><strong>The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, &#8216;Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we&#8217;re normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the <\/strong><strong>trees called in sick.&#8217;<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Trebuchet MS,Geneva;\"><strong>\u00a0<span style=\"font-size: 18px;\">A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor&#8217;s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-size: 18px;\">&#8220;Impossible!&#8221; says the doctor. &#8220;Show me.&#8221;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-size: 18px;\">The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: 18px;\">The doctor said, &#8220;You&#8217;re not really a redhead, are you?<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-size: 18px;\">&#8220;Well, no&#8221; she said, &#8220;I&#8217;m actually a blonde.&#8221;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-size: 18px;\">&#8220;I thought so,&#8221; the doctor said. &#8220;Your finger is broken.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A reader asked how I could have waited four months before seeing a doctor for some groin pain. Big Red Story. I remembered this joke when I went to an oral surgeon to have an upper molar removed. I had &hellip; <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/jokes\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Jokes from dentistry and doctors and true life events.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Jokes, dentistry jokes, doctor jokes, animal joke, cowboys, greatest pain, Quantas delivery, kangaroo, animal story, groin injury,rock disease,Herbert Senft\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/sweetgeodes.com\/senft\/jokes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" 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